First, dear me, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted. Sorry about that. I’ve been dealing with some family medical stuff that’s been impacting the writing. Not writing in general (I’ve written a lot), but posting or getting it out there in print. But I’m back, baby! And my dog, Frankie, is not happy about it.

This picture is blurry because he’s in constant motion and the only time I can snap a clear shot of him is when he’s sleeping. And he hates it when I write. Or talk on the phone. Or eat, or play a game on my phone, or sit next to my wife, or anything that doesn’t involve me giving him my undivided attention.

Imagine a toddler who is incapable of self-soothing, and who brings you drooly toys or socks in his mouth, shoves them onto your lap, and barks in your face. It really kills the vibe.

So if you have the kind of beast who drools all over your boundaries, and greatly disturbs your writing time, I recommend the following tips:

1. Explain to him that momma needs her creative time in a gentle, soothing voice.
2. Reassure him that you still love him and will play with him later.
3. Pick up the saliva sodden sock that he’s just deposited onto your lap and throw it across the room, buying you seconds of typing time.
4. Ask him to please give you a gosh darn minute when he brings it back to you.
5. Growl back at him when he barks.
6. Feel crazy.
7. Give up your entire writing career, your hope of ever having socks, and take him to the park.

Screw that, just go to a coffee shop.