According to the articulate minds at the Merriam-Webster dictionary website, the word for the day is defenestration. Do we know what that means without looking it up?

“Yes!” you say. “It is deforestation as a direct result of menstruation. ”

No, no, no. That would be silly. What it really means is, “a throwing of a person or thing out of the window.”

“Really?” you ask, because you know that I make things up and are suspicious.

Well, that’s what it originally meant. According to Merriam-Webster.com, “today it’s more often used for ‘a swift dismissal or expulsion (as from a political party or office).'”

“….more often used?” you ask.

Ah, you bring up a good question. If we read the wording carefully, it can be implied that defenestration is still sometimes used to describe throwing “a person or thing out of the window.” Perhaps even both the old and the new definitions could be used at once! Wasn’t Bill Clinton tossed from the window of a balloon factory?

But seriously, how often is a person thrown out of a window that the action merits the invention of a word? It doesn’t say that they jump out of the window themselves, it clearly states that they are the victim of “a throwing,” a sinister involuntary act of getting the old heave-ho, over the plant box, into the sky, and right on the lawn. When you think about it, defenestration might be the most serious problem that our society faces today.

How do we solve it? With a word I just learned yesterday – propitiate. Does anyone else look at the word “propitiate” and see the word “Pop-Tart?” Anyway, it doesn’t mean Pop-Tart, as much as we might want it to. Propitiate means “to gain or regain the favor or goodwill of.”

So in order to stop the mad spread of defenestration we must propitiate the gods with an offering of some kind. I suggest the mass defenestration of Pop-Tarts out of my kitchen window. Surely this demonstration of poptart defenstration shall propitiate the hungry spirits of old! Lemme try it. I’ll be right back….

[Sound of footsteps running into the kitchen. The rustle of bags of pasta and shoving aside of cans of beans. Retrival of cinnamon Pop-Tart box. Squeaky lifting of window. Mumur of propitiate-like chanting. Tart toss. Exciting stomping of footsteps back to the laptop.]

I did it! Did it work? Did the horrible act of defenestration come to an end?

Kind of…