If I don’t write in the morning it’s hard to write at all. I don’t mean around 9:00 or 10:00 or so, I mean in the dark before the dawn. Preferably between 4:00 and 5:00 in the morning, before my wife and kids wake up, when there’s no sunlight, and no neighbors firing up their engines to get to work.
But WHY, you say. Or at least, that’s what people ask me. Maybe not you. Maybe you are reading this and thinking, “Oh, hell yes. Finally, someone else who is stressed out by the idea of sleeping in and relaxing.” Yes, my friend. I am that other person. It’s you, me, and people who get up to milk cows, all sipping coffee and then sitting down to our craft.
I’m not sure what your reasoning is, but my main reason for getting up before the dawn is this – I’m too tired to doubt myself. Doubting myself is an easy thing to do. I doubt my words, I doubt the outfit I’m wearing, I doubt this website, and on and on. If I allowed this ship to sail by the winds of my doubt I would sink to the bottom of the ocean, never doing anything that I really like to do. It’s paralyzing, and really, it’s dumb. Why do I doubt my outfit before I leave the house? Most of the time I wear gym shorts, a T-shirt, and tennis shoes, and I’m a self-identified lesbian. Dude…what’s the doubt? I look AMAZING. Yet if I let myself think about it too much, I become immobilized before the mirror, with thoughts like, “I’m not thin enough for this tank top” or “I look too gay” or “Can I get away with yoga pants at a baptism?” But eventually I have to shove myself out the door or I’ll never go anywhere.
Pushing myself to write is doable but it’s not fun, and pushing myself is what I have to do if I begin any time after I’m fully awake. Here’s an example of what I mean:
I sleep past my alarm. I wake up at 8:00 and stare at the ceiling. I think, “What day of the month is it? I think some bills are due today. I’m hungry. I need to go to the store. Can I go to the store AND pay bills? I need to write. But if I were really responsible I would pay bills and buy hash browns for the children.”
Here’s what happens when my alarm goes off at 4:00 AM:
I snort and look at my phone. I think, “It’s 4:00. Must write. Don’t want to get up. But if I get up there’s coffee.”
Then I get up. I pour myself a cup and I write. By the time daylight streams into the house, I’ve gotten work done and then I can start panicking about bills and hash browns.
So what’s the secret to my creative process? Unconsciousness. Some writers drink, I just keep unreasonable hours. But I will say that when I’m done, I go into my day feeling more alive and confident about everything else I have to do. I strut in my tank top, paying bills, and taking names.
My daughter is on the air!…or in the cloud. Whatever happened to pen and paper? Anyway, write on Genny!
Hey Dad! I tried to upload pen and paper and they got stuck.
Ugh I love this! No time to doubt yourself…I’ll have to keep that in mind. I’d like to try to do the same thing but mostly I would be a zombie. Still. Glad it works for you! Because then I get more stories!
Zombie mode is good! Zombie mode means no pesky bad thoughts! Of course, you will crave brains, but we all make sacrifices for art.
Hey Gen! Keep being awesome, and whatever you choose to wear, your personality is beautiful enough that your clothes don’t even come close to beginning to matter. ❤️❤️❤️
Coreeeeeeey! You are the sweetest dude.
So I wanted to say something witty here spoofing off of “We ride at dawn!” turning into “We write at dawn!”, but it doesn’t sound as good as I thought it would. Oh well, I’ve been awake for lots of hours so I guess I can’t do my best writing now anyways.
We write at dawn!!! Why didn’t I think of that? lol
I am with you! This is so beautifully written, I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep waking up early and doing what you do!
Thanks, Kevin! I shall rise early to write and awaken Melanie – mwahahahaha!!
Love it! I’ve always enjoyed reading your thoughts. I have to say, I can relate to many of them 🙂
Love you, Aunt Bethie
Aunt Bethie!! Thank you 🙂 You relate to my early riser tendencies?
It must run in the family. Getting up earlier than my self-doubt does. Did it for years. This is my first visit to your site; I enjoy tour writing so much!
Thanks, Uncle Chris! It is now 7:00 AM and I feel like I’m late. Eeek!
Hey, Genny! Sorry its taken me so long to read your blog. I love your writings. I can totally relate to getting up early to get things done that won’t get done if you put them off to later in the day. For a while I had a treadmill that was only about 10 steps from my bed. I’d set the alarm at 5:00, and instead of actually getting “up” I’d kind of “roll out of bed.” Hitting the floor would wake me enough to get dressed and walk to the treadmill. By the time I was fully awake, I’d already walked half a mile.
Thanks, Aunt Barbara! :)And yes, it’s 9:30 right now, at least four hours past my work time. I’m having a harder time getting out of my head.