With new skates on my feet, I stepped from the safety of the grass and rolled uncertainly onto the walking path that loops around Audubon Park. My legs were stiff and shaking, wheels turning from the momentum of that last step. I held my arms out like a woman on a tight rope, afraid to… Continue reading Mid Life Derby Flyer
First, dear me, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted. Sorry about that. I’ve been dealing with some family medical stuff that’s been impacting the writing. Not writing in general (I’ve written a lot), but posting or getting it out there in print. But I’m back, baby! And my dog, Frankie, is not happy… Continue reading Dog Days of Distraction
Sometimes I see chickens where there are no chickens. This made me worry about myself at first, but I’ve come to find it delightful. Even though most of the time it happens to me while I’m driving. The other morning my wife and I saw a woman jogging on the side of the road.… Continue reading Poultry Dilemma
The night that Hurricane Ida crashed into town I was putting together a puzzle of Queen Elizabeth II by lantern light, with a cat and a glass of bourbon. Melanie was on the storm team at the zoo that night. She was hunkered down in the fortified reptile house with the other zookeepers who were… Continue reading Ida and the Puzzle Queen
On September 13th, two weeks after Hurricane Ida tore through my neighborhood, I was sitting on the back patio trying to contact my suicidal daughter’s psychiatrist. Claire swore that she didn’t want to kill herself, but was having suicidal ideation, which is the inability to get the idea of hurting herself out of her head.… Continue reading As the World Stinks
According to the articulate minds at the Merriam-Webster dictionary website, the word for the day is defenestration. Do we know what that means without looking it up? “Yes!” you say. “It is deforestation as a direct result of menstruation. ” No, no, no. That would be silly. What it really means is, “a throwing of… Continue reading Word of the Day
My brain isn’t just bananas. It’s a bunch of bananas that jump out of the bowl and chase the monkees around. That is to say that I have a hard time focusing. I used to be able to write or read for hours, but the introduction of the smart phone has taken what little attenspan… Continue reading The To-Don’t List
Huffing and puffing, I raised my foot to the next step. This is how I walked up the whole staircase on the side of a suburban hill in Portland. Here was my process: step up , heave body, drop left foot heavily next to right. Wheeze. Think, “I’m going to die.” Repeat. They say that… Continue reading Extended Family Trip: The Landing
In the spirit of doing things a little bit different, instead of telling you about something that has already happened I’m going to tell you about something that hasn’t happened yet. Today I’m flying to Portland with my wife, ex-husband, and two out of three children to visit the third child in Portland for an… Continue reading Extended Family Trip: The Take Off
Before I met Melanie (cue sad, lesbian guitar music) I was alone. Staring into the flicker of a single candle, muttering dreary things to myself in French. Ennui? Oui. Actually, that’s not true. The month before I met her I was finishing my master’s degree in fiction and working a full time job. There wasn’t… Continue reading Geekgirl & Gwnyvr
I haven’t written much since February. That wasn’t my intention. In fact, as a person who enjoys writing rom com February should have been my time to shine. I had planned to kick off a whole host of fun, creative things, giving you all more to read and more heart-felt ridiculousness for me to make… Continue reading Sometimes There Are No Words, Which is Stressful for Writers
A film student asked me the other day how I felt about the “super straight” flag. “The what now?” I asked. “It’s a thing on TikTok,” she said. “Look…” Even though she’s not supposed to have her phone in sight, much less powered on, I let her show me a picture of a black and… Continue reading Super No
If I didn’t have Attention Deficit Disorder before, I have it now. For instance, after writing that sentence I grabbed my phone to find a Bernie Sanders meme that I saw last night (the one of him with David Bowie from Labyrinth). Why? I don’t know. Does one need an excuse to look for pictures… Continue reading Where Was I?
Two things happened on January 6th. One you know about – that unhappy business down in Washington D.C. The other thing that happened was my youngest child turned eighteen. I have three kids – Claire, Emma, and Christopher, 21, 19, and 18 respectively. If you’re good at math that means that you know I had… Continue reading To My Son on the Day He Became an Adult as the World Lost its Mind
I was working on my sister’s Christmas present when I remembered to tell Melanie that we had plans coming up. This was because my gift to Stephanie (baby sister) was a 2021 planner, filled with tabs, stickers, and places to write notes. Stephanie has two daughters who are two and four. Her life runs by… Continue reading The Plot That Was Better Than Horses
There’s a flip side to the truth of yesterday’s post. When I don’t pay attention to what’s going on around me, I am often likely to surprise other people. Say, for instance, when I graduated with my Master’s last December and startled the whole graduating class of 2019. I was in my cap and gown,… Continue reading Distracted Disruptor
I’m easily startled. A car honk, a touch on the shoulder, the bark of a dog, or any unexpected anything can make me scream as if I’m being attacked. This would really bother me except I think that there are times when it’s the only thing that keeps me alive. Sometimes I just don’t pay… Continue reading The Biggest Goose in All of Winn Dixie
I was reading, leaning back in my chair with one leg up on my desk. A fellow teacher knocked on my door. I guess he walked by and saw me sitting there a minute after quitting time. “That must be some book,” he said. “It’s time to go and you don’t even care.” “It’s a… Continue reading Keep it Silly
Dear Santa, I know I haven’t always been on your good list. There was the incident on Christmas Day in 1986 when I told my mom that I didn’t like anything that I got. There was that time when I was five when my aunt Bethie was living with us that I found, unwrapped, and… Continue reading An Open Letter to Mr. S. Claus
I once babysat a kid whose mom warned me to keep an eye on her because if she got the chance she’d eat a stick of butter. I didn’t take it literally. I thought “she’ll eat a stick of butter” was metaphorical for “she’ll get into everything.” The girl was three after all. But no.… Continue reading Babysitting the Butter Kid
I struggle with promoting myself as a writer. From the articles I’m reading, this is a common problem in just about every field. The internet is loaded with tips about the struggle of people who feel like assholes when they say something good about themselves. I don’t know about you guys, but whenever I post… Continue reading The Struggles of Self Promotion from an 8th Grade Nothing
I was once outgoing and charming. Here’s a picture of me before the pandemic: Fabulously dressed, mingling, rattling off Churchill-caliber one liners with a martini in one hand and a long stem cigarette in the other. This is me now: In seven months I’ve gone from social butterfly to earthworm. And before I launch into… Continue reading COVID Infected My Social Skills
First, isn’t morsel a great word? Two-syllabled, bite-sized if you will, with a delightful cadence. You could even turn it into a name if you stressed the second syllable – Morsell. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I have a variety pack of updates, which I will give you randomly with no… Continue reading Variety Pack of Morsels
No joke, I’ve been working to the sound of a crackling fire place on Youtube for the last two days. Check it out: Look at this library. Listen to this fireplace. Listen to it FOR TEN HOURS because that is how long the crackling goes on for. I want this exact room, except with a… Continue reading Fire Crackle
I turned off my phone the other night. It felt weird, but I’d gotten advice from an unlikely source that it might be a good idea. I listen to a fitness podcast called Thick Thighs Save Lives. As a person who enjoys exercising and overeating, I find it helpful to listen to these ladies who… Continue reading Pancake Maker of Action
Americans, thank you for joining me today. I am a high school teacher [cacophony of applause]. I teach creative writing and film studies, which in my opinion are the two most fun things you can teach aside from, say, a course on how to play laser tag. That’s how giddy I feel when I talk… Continue reading Writing Teacher Proposals for School Year 2020-21
A couple of nights ago, tired of the evening news, Melanie and I began to look for a new show. We looked through a few movies, but we wanted a series. Something that would occupy us if we wanted to snuggle up to something good on television, but weren’t in the mood to feel like… Continue reading What the World Needs Now is Ellen Page With a Sword
I have a problem that I think we’re just going to have to talk about right now. I don’t really want to tell you. I know that it might change the way you see me. But honesty is the best policy in our blogger-reader relationship, right? So here it goes. When I get bored, stressed,… Continue reading My Crushing Habit
